It is never easy getting back into the dating game after divorce. We hear it every day from divorced clients, the thought of dating is terrifying especially in today’s society with the swipe left, swipe right mentality. While it seems like dating can be literally right at your fingertips, this isn’t exactly ideal for the older, more mature population. Someone who has been out of the dating game for years, maybe even decades, doesn’t need a computer algorithm to help match them with a potential partner. What they do need is a personal matchmaker and dating coach who can guide them through the beginning phases of dating and find them someone who has real potential. Listed below are My Top Matchmaker’s 7 steps to successful dating after divorce.
Divorce is hard. You shared a life with someone, maybe you have kids together, shared a home, finances, vacations, years and years of memories were collected and then one day POOF your life is different. The first step to successful dating after divorce is making sure you are actually over your ex. You cannot waste your time and most importantly someone else’s time building the foundations of a relationship only to realize weeks or months later that you actually still need time to heal from your previous relationship. Letting go of any resentment and finding a healthy emotional state of mind is key to being ready to date after a divorce.
Online dating is not all that it is cracked up to be. Investing in a personal matchmaker who doubles as a dating coach is the BEST way to be successful with dating after divorce. A personal matchmaker can help guide you through the dating process and the matches are much more realistic. My Top Matchmaker specializes in finding divorcees new romance after heartbreak. It is important to have someone who you can discuss your personal needs and desires in your new relationship with. With online dating, it is a computer that matches you based on questions you answer, there is no real emotion in that process. A personal matchmaker gets a true understanding of who you are and what you are looking for during your consultation and individual meetings. The most important step to successful dating after divorce is finding yourself a matchmaker!
MEN — here is the harsh truth, dating the (much) younger, hot blonde you met online as you were boasting about your hefty bank account is RARELY going to actually work out in the long run. We get it, you’ve been with the same woman for X amount of years and now that you are single for the first time in what seems like forever, dating the younger gal to make everyone around you jealous seems okay…its not. If you think the girl who is 10+ years younger than you is your type, think again. As professional matchmakers, we have seen this time and time again and eventually, the guys realize that the type they thought they wanted wasn’t actually the type that was RIGHT for them. Let us do the work for you, we promise we probably know your type better than you.
WOMEN — The “Cougar” appeal only lasts so long. We get it, dating a younger guy who is full of energy and adventure sounds great, but the reality is that anyone who is 10+ years younger than you is often in a MUCH different place mentally and emotionally than you are. Don’t be afraid to date someone your age or a little older, you’ll be surprised by what fun can still be had with someone your own age!
When you first start dating after divorce it is normal to be in your head about your feelings. As you start dating, don’t be afraid to follow your instincts and listen to your heart. If you like the first person you start dating great, if something just doesn’t click, break it off. The first person you meet after your divorce most likely won’t be your next true love, and that is OKAY. Dip your toes in the water, ease into it and see what you are really looking for in a relationship. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again, we know it can be scary, but also don’t be afraid to keep looking! On your second go-around at love, don’t settle!
This is one of the most important steps to successful dating after divorce. While you should never hide the fact that you have children or grandchildren, don’t make this your main talking point. Also, make sure to not discuss your ex and your divorce in detail, your new partner will not want to hear the details of that relationship, especially at the beginning stages of a new romance. Politics nowadays are also a VERY sensitive subject in today’s society. If politics are something you are passionate about, we strongly advise against bringing it up on the first date. Get a feel for what your date believes in before taking on the politics discussion. Make sure to ask questions and engage in conversation because the quicker you both open up, the faster you will be able to see if the relationship can and should progress.
If you go on a date and it is just awful, instead of picking it to pieces and wondering what went wrong and how YOU could have done better, LAUGH at it! It’s okay to laugh at the bad dates! It is unrealistic to expect every date to be a good date if you go into it with an open mindset Dating can be awkward and your first one might be intimidating. You just have to get the first one out of the way and we promise the next one will be smooth sailing.
One of the biggest mistakes people can make after a divorce is jumping into a physical relationship too soon. While intimacy is so important in a relationship, setting boundaries, in the beginning, is okay. It is important to have an emotional connection with someone before you introduce a physical one. Sex can complicate a relationship and if you aren’t sure about your future with someone, hold off on being intimate until you have a better idea of where the relationship is going.
To be successful in the dating world after divorce, you have to know when you are ready to actually start dating, and know that it is okay to be cautious in the beginning. Utilizing the 7 steps listed above will help guide you through the beginning phases of dating after divorce. If you are in the SWFL region and are looking for a dating coach or are interested in being introduced to a special someone, contact My Top Matchmaker today!