Dating is hard, especially when you’ve been out of the game for a while. If your dating life has been less than successful, you may need to reevaluate your dating style and see what isn’t working and what you can change. Consider the list below of 5 things you’re doing to hurt your dating life, and see if any apply to you. If you find yourself saying, “oh yeah I do that,” consider ridding yourself of the bad habit and see how your dating life changes.
We all do it, we start judging people the second we interact with them, but this habit really needs to end. Often times when you are dating you will look for the flaws in your potential partner and instead of spending time getting to know them, you spend your time searching for what is wrong with them. If you find yourself doing this, STOP. This is one of the biggest hindrances when dating. You’ll spend so much time thinking, “There’s got to be something wrong with this person, they can’t be this nice, or polite, or funny, or attractive…they have to have a flaw,” and instead of embracing who they are, you search for their flaws. This is detrimental. Stop looking for flaws and start looking for the things you have in common and the things you find attractive about this potential partner.
One of the most unattractive qualities in both men and women is when you aren’t confident in yourself. If you are on a date, and show lack of confidence and are constantly fishing for compliments, there is a very high chance that your date will opt out of a second date. People are attracted to confident people and often if you are confident, it will rub off on those around you. Compliments should be given out of purity and kindness, not because you have been fishing for one all night and your date feels obligated to make you feel better. Confidence is sexy; be confident in who you are and what you want, and you’ll be surprised at how attracted people will be to you.
This one seems obvious, but sadly it happens more than you may realize. When you go on a date, you HAVE to show interest. If your date asks you a question, make sure you ask them one back after you respond. It is SO important to let your date feel valued, let them know you aren’t just listening and waiting for your turn to talk. Showing interest in who they are, what they like, dislike, their passions, make sure to ask them questions about these things. If your date feels like you are interested, they will feel more comfortable and most likely a connect will come faster. The better you get to know your date, the faster you BOTH can decide if a second date is warranted.
Whether it is your first date or your fifth date, if your partner thinks your schedule is too hectic to plan dates, the relationship will likely end soon. Your date/partner needs to feel like a priority, especially in the beginning phases when you both are trying to decide if this is something you see long term. We get it, everyone is busy, but if you are making love a priority, then actually make it a priority. You may need to give up certain things in your schedule to incorporate time with your new partner. Don’t let your schedule be the thing that stops you from having a successful relationship, we believe love should be a priority, and if you are dating, that means you think so too.
We get it, jumping back into the dating world is intimidating and if you have seen heartbreak or experienced loss, then putting yourself back out there can seem scary. We are here to tell you that being committed again doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You can’t worry about what has happened in the past, you just have to look to the future. Ask yourself these questions:
The questions above should help you decide whether or not you really are ready to date and if you are, you have to be ready for a commitment. We aren’t saying you have to get serious after the first date, but you need to be open to the idea of commitment and know that when the time comes, you’ll take that next step. Commitment is a good thing, it gives people a sense of security. When you find someone you truly enjoy being around, don’t let it slip away because of your fear of commitment.
Now that you have read through the 5 things that could be hurting your dating life, think about your personal journey and acknowledge if you are guilty of any of these. At My Top Matchmaker, we get clients all the time who have found that they do some of these things, and we help coach and guide them through the dating process. We want to see you have a successful relationship and we hope that our advice can help get you to that place. Everyone deserves love, so take time to self reflect and change bad dating habits that stop you from finding it!